3 Weeks so far...

Me and my friend Claire

So its been 3 weeks since I have arrived in Korea. I have been really bad about blogging as you can tell. Yesterday I worked in Ansam which is about an hour from where I live as a substitute English teacher. I kind of thought I should be nervous, since I have never done this kind of thing before but, I really wasn't and had a lot of fun.

I started from around 2 pm and first taught kindergarten age kids. Then as the day went on I taught older and older kids up to grade 8. I was pretty happy with the way it turned out. But I thought about doing this every day and even though I enjoyed it, I think I would get so tired so fast. When I got home, I was so tired, and I'm not sure if its because of the teaching or if was because I didn't really get that much sleep the night before.

Me waiting for the subway @Edae

Anyways, it was a great experience and if I was to do it every now and then, I would love to do it. Not sure I would be able to when school starts, but we'll see how it goes. It was funny when one of the classes they were supposed to debate whether living in an apartment or house was better. I was not prepared for this at all, but it ended up being a really fun class and the girls really got into it. There were some sticky parts since their English vocabulary was not the greatest, but they did their best.

They told me that they liked me better than their normal teacher, not sure if it was true or not, but it was nice. I really enjoyed being around kids and teaching them, maybe that is what I am supposed to do...?? Be a teacher....??...hmmm...we'll see about that I guess when the time comes....

I haven't done any one-0n-one tutoring yet, but I would like to, to see what its like. I think I would enjoy it. I was told that to be a teacher here, you have to be mean and give lots of homework and don't joke around....but I don't think that is my style so I will do it the way I think is best for learning....

Gagnam at night

I found out a little more about my scholarship. I will be going to Yonsei University for language school, and then afterwards, going to Yonsei University for graduate school. I will start getting funding Sept. 1 so that will be really nice. I don't start school until Sept. 21, so I still have plenty of time to figure things out and getting used to the area I live....Korea....

I sometimes think about contacting my family sooner than later....but I'm not sure if rushing into it is the best thing. I wonder what they are all doing, how their lives are going...if they are thinking about me....but knowing I can't communicate with them is hard...I feel like it would be best if I waited, until I get more settled in here and learn Korean. I don't know if they would like to know if I am here, maybe I should let them know at least, but I am still not sure. I feel like I am so sure about such few things, and most of everything else that is going on my life, I am so unsure about...

View from a taxi ride to Coex

I haven't had a chance to go to my orphanage yet, but I will probably go sometime this coming week. I don't want to put too much on my plate too soon, as I know what happens to people that try to do too much at once...I want to see the kids, but I don't want to feel sad, cause I know I will when I see them. I feel like the Korean people here are living on an island sometimes, totally unaware or choose not to know about the orphanages, the adoptees...

I met up with a few of my friends that I met last summer, but since they are all working and out of school, they have less free time. My friend Haein I didn't see until a couple days ago and she works from 9am-8pm every day....and she is so always tired. But that is what its like in Korea, people work way more than 40 hours a week and usually work on saturdays as well.

As for studying, I am trying my hardest to learn as much as I can and I try to study every day at least for 3-4 hours a day, but it sure is hard. I had heard that Korean is the hardest language to learn for native English speakers, and I looked it up and its true, Korean is the hardest to learn for English speakers!

In front of Coex Mall

So far, since I have been here, the 3 weeks has gone by so incredibly fast. But I sometimes wonder if the strange feelings I have here will go away after more time passes. I still feel like a stranger in the place I was born....walking among people that look like me, but on the inside I feel more different than them then I have ever felt.....I walk down the streets of Seoul, and with the thousands of people that are always crowding the streets, going on their business like busy little bees.....and I look around and feel some what out of place still, like I am wearing the yellow shirt in a crowd of people wearing all black...and the whole world around me is moving at 10x speed, and me I am just crawling in slow motion....

One of the roommates is from France and has a Korean girl friend....long story short, her family doesn't approve of him, since he is not Korean/Korean. I know he is not happy about it, and there is a lot of stress on their relationship. But in a place where family approval is more important than anything, the chances of it working out I feel are slim. Because after all, without family in Korea, you are nothing, and not many people would be willing to give up their family to be with a Korean adoptee.

I just don't get it, and maybe we never will. My friends and I talk about it, but we just chalk it up to be "thats just the way Koreans are." Ultra conservative and don't like change. After all we are not REAL, Koreans....we are just on the outside, but on the inside, so very different. Some people from Holland came and I overheard them say they never felt more non-Korean until they got here and realized that they are so very Dutch.

I haven't gotten that feeling....I don't feel more American since I have been here, if anything I want to be more Korean.....but I have to admit, it is very difficult...its like changing into a completely different person and that is not something I can do. So I wonder, if I do meet a Korean girl here, will that kind of thing happen to me? It already kind of has happened when I was with my ex...and that was in the states....

So many obstacles, so many things to overcome, but that is why I am here, to figure it all out....I will be here for the next 3-4 years for sure...and maybe for a lot longer....